Marginalized.



In the era of #metoo and #genderequality, the subject of marginalized women comes up frequently -- even more so this week after Frances McDormand's Oscar speech on Sunday and International Women's Day on Thursday... 

I am glad that women are taking advantage of this opportunity to tell our stories, to climb toward success and to (hopefully) bring other women along with us. And even if some of the hoopla feels a bit bandwagonish (Just imagine: if Roman Polanski or Woody Allen had been unfortunate enough to have their scandals while #metoo was trending, they might not have had famous actresses coming so quickly to their defense, but I digress) I think open dialogue about these issues is always best. TRUTH, after all, will resonate in a few hearts before the spin doctors rush in to obfuscate it with their analysis and monochrome arguments. (Or before they turn #truth into #mytruth and #yourtruth.)

That's why I want to draw your attention to four groups of women who are so marginalized, they are even marginalized by the marginalized. These are the women who are not portrayed as heroes on the CW. These are the women who will not be admired by the hosts of The View. These are women who are an embarrassment to feminists, either because they don't want people to know they exist, or because they think freedom of choice should be limited to reproduction. In no particular order:


Christian Women

If you are devoted to God, you will be marginalized. I say that without hesitation. If you would like to argue with me (and are at this moment preparing a list of real and fictional religious women who have not been marginalized), I would provide this qualifier: God is allowed in our lives as women, so long as He is not first in our hearts. What do I mean? I mean if you want to wear a cross around your neck, or have a photo of Jesus on your wall, that will be tolerated. But show me the woman who makes faith a priority over her career, her political views or her social interactions, and I will show you a woman who is depicted as narrow-minded, backward and bigoted. Devotion to God makes people uncomfortable. We feel guilty when we see someone who believes in a different brand of right and wrong than what is currently politically correct (that kind of judgment is perfectly acceptable) so we don't want them in our shows and movies, or in our celebrities, thank you very much.

Conservative Women of Color

It makes me livid to know that, after all black people have gone through in history to, step by step, gain some measure of equality in a white-dominated world, they are still treated as if they are not full members of society unless they espouse the right (that is, left leaning) political ideals. And if you don't think this is an issue, read up on Condoleeza Rice and listen to her stories of being called a kitchen slave, simply because she has conservative beliefs.  Listen: I don't care if you are liberal and absolutely convinced you are right. I don't care if you are black or white. You do not get to tell another human being what to think. You do not get to tell another human being that they are LESS because they have come to different conclusions than you. Let me put it another way: white people think all kinds of things: right things, wrong things, stupid things, smart things, and no one ever says  they are less white because of those thoughts. Why? Because humanity is NOT tied to beliefs. We are human because we exist. The freedom to express our beliefs -- whatever they are -- is unalienable, meaning it is tied to our humanity, not our race. So if you believe that a black woman is not really black because she is conservative, you are saying that black humans are less human than white humans. I find that intolerably offensive.

Muslim Women

Much like Christian women, Muslim women are tolerated so long as they, first of all, are more devoted to feminism than to their faith and, second of all, if they are the American version of Muslim women. But what about the Muslim women who are treated as second-class citizens? What about  the Muslim women who are brutalized and mutilated in other parts of the world? Have we forgotten them? Because in America, where it is popular to imagine that all Christians are powerful and intolerant of Muslims, it is also popular to defend Muslims and all that they do. But guess what? Some of what some of them do is harmful to women. Just ask Ayaan Hirsi Ali, who is criticized for telling HER OWN STORY, because it does not fit the popular narrative. Every woman should be allowed to tell her story, no matter what it says about the world or other people in it. The more we share the TRUTH with each other, the more we will see the humanity in each other.


Stay At Home Moms

In modern television shows, moms are universally depicted as less-than fulfilled unless they do something more than taking care of their families. And I get it -- I was a stay-at-home mom who also wrote books. I completely understand that mentality. But I also think it's wrong. I hate the idea that a woman must add career goals to her very busy life to be fulfilled or valued. It feels so ... pecuniary. Let me explain with a few questions: Do you think a daycare provider or a elementary school teacher is valuable, just as she is? Of course you do. How about a chef or dietitian? Does she need to add a second career to her resume to be respectable? Of course not. How about a woman who cleans houses for a living. Do you consider her lazy and "underemployed"? Absolutely not. So why, when a stay-at-home mom does ALL of those things, do we think she needs to ADD more work to her list to be a valued member of society? It's insane -- and it all has to do with income (TAXABLE income, I might cynically suggest).

If we really want to reach a place in history where we value all women, we need to respect all women too -- even those we don't agree with, even those with different values. We need to listen to their stories, even the ones that make us uncomfortable or challenge our beliefs. Let's not marginalize anyone. Let's listen to each other with compassion and, when we disagree, do it respectfully and without being punitive.

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